The 411

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Sunday, September 11, 2011

DealDash411 Tips, Hints, Strategies and Commentary: IHOP

I need to say a few things about IHOP. That's International House of Pancakes for anyone who wasn't sure. Now I'm not anti-IHOP but IHOP is one of those places that you really need to consider what you are ordering for breakfast. I have only eaten breakfast there. And i completely blew it.

I woke up one morning jonesing (craving for non-slangers) for some really good bacon. Now I guess i could have gone to the market and got some and made it myself, but Deal Dash doesn't have a good pan on their  site yet. I can only toast things, make breakfast sammies, eat pizza or dice things. So that was not an option. Whole Foods has amazing bacon in their breakfast food bar. i trekked up there (it's not close - that's how good their bacon is), and THEY WERE OUT. They said more would be ready in about 30 minutes. I was too amped up on having bacon that i couldn't wait. After an under the breathe remark about how on earth they could not have enough bacon ready at the breakfast bar, I stalked out (this was rude. I apologize to any of the staff. I must have just been really low on nitrates and not thinking straight).

Anyway, I get in the car to seek out bacon and I see the IHOP sign in the distance. It was like a beacon. (hahahaha get it? I crack myself up). I think last time i had IHOP i was a kid and ordered the smiley face chocolate chip pancake. But they have breakfast - so they must have bacon. So i turned in.

Then it all went south. I started making a series of mistakes that put me deep in a hole. I don't blame IHOP. I blame myself. I did this to myself.

I scan the menu and I start seeing that the IHOP menu has the calories added to it. I like being in the dark when i pig out. But when i saw that the bacon, eggs, and pancakes i was going to order was close to 1000 calories, I panicked a little. And then I panic ordered. (I seem to panic order alot. You are at the table, everyone else has ordered and now they are all staring at you. And the waiter it standing, pen poised staring at you. The pressure!! I usually panic and blurt something out. 9 times out of 10 i don't like what i end up getting. For a further description of Panic Ordering Disorder, click here to go to Wiki Wiki World and read it.

Here is what i panic ordered: An attempt at health food.  Suddenly i was looking at their "light" menu section and i said "i'll take the egg beaters scrambled, the turkey bacon, and 1 pancake." Before i could come to my senses, that waitress was gone. Now, I'm not a health nut, but i'm also trying to look like Proto. I'm pretty darn far away.  Back to the story.

My plate arrives like 5 minutes later, of course making you wonder if all this was pre-cooked, and i have the two limpest, saddest pieces of turkey bacon i have ever seen. They kind of looked like bologna. There was nothing crispy about them at all. At the far end of the plate was scrambled yellow stuff. The few times i have had egg beaters they weren't bad at all. But these were slimy and tasted like a mix between plastic and paper. Not even ketchup was going to save these eggs. I couldn't eat them. And my sad little wimpy turkey bacon looked like a neglected step-kid while bacon got all the glory. I managed to get one piece down. Then I had a few bites of pancake and just felt ill. $10 later i was out the door.

Lessons learned:
1) You don't go to IHOP for healthy breakfast. Just know that going in. It's not gonna happen. Don't try to minimize the damage. Just eat.

2) It's not called IHOE, or International House of Eggs. So don't get the eggs. It's just not their thing.

3) Get PANCAKES. Duh. It really is a no-brainer. It is House of PANCAKES. Go with what they specialize in. Get the pancakes with the fruit and whipped cream or chocolate chips. They couldn't be sending a clearer message with their name. I just tried to make IHOP something it is not, when they clearly claim PANCAKES. This is my fault, not theirs. Get PANCAKES.

4) If you have a great source of bacon, stick with it. I should have waited out the 15  minutes and gotten the good bacon. I was acting like a spoiled brat.

Next time i'm getting the kid's smiley face chocolate chip pancakes.

gettogether - you won the gift card. This is sound advice.

Happy Sunday Everyone.


  1. And boy oh boy are people after that Mac Desktop Computer. I've seen Hartharlez in there, and OKKAMS and Tornado_Bidder. Battle is on.

    And I haven't seen a Beefer in AGES. And Mrs. Beefer is bidding on the cracker barrel gift card. But so is gettogether. Gettogether might be a breakfast fanatic. Hmmm..good to know

  2. And by the way, I decided that i needed another arena to discuss life things that seem to come up. So i created a new blog called It's a Wiki Wiki World. You can read why i picked that name later.
    It's not really about penny auctions, but everything else that pops into my head that i still need to put out there. If you have chuckled once or twice from this blog, maybe add to your list of sites to check....see ya over there!

  3. Hey I was out of town in a rural area with no signal until we were driving back into town when I logged on and read today's post. OMG!!! Just too funny... I laughed and cried for miles... My hubby finally asked what I was cracking up about and I had to read it to him. He just shook his head and gave a few giggles out too. WikiWiki sounds very interesting and I'm gonna bookmark that page so I can keep my daily laughs going... 8) Don't disappear I don't know what I'd read if you were gone!!!!

  4. LadyK I think you and drummerboy are my two best supporters. Just knowing that you two like my work will keep me going forever. I started linking over to wikiwiki world so that i could expand upon nonsense things that might attract other people besides penny auction people. So maybe i'll get some hits over there too...
    I have some sound advice about TagVillage now, as i figure that one out. I figured out that i suck at it because i do it all wrong. It's in the pitfalls section. you may enjoy it.

    love you always ladyk! Say hi to Mr. LadyK!